Wednesday, May 05, 2004

I am - for lack of a better word - pooped.

It was such a fantastic weekend I think I managed to get by on just fumes of it for the past few days. And I felt great, and forgiving, and didn't even mind the idiot troll I work with being his usual condescending to me.


I'm not quite so lucky today. Oh, I should be able to overcome it. But I suppose on some level I'm chosing not to do that. I'm choosing to wallow a bit, and drag, and mutter under my breath, and be cranky.

I shouldn't be. I have a wonderful husband, who is buying me a tremendous spinning wheel. I have some phenomenal (and enabling) friends. I have two adoring cats and a doting dog. I have lots of luscious yarn to work with. Meg sent me some breathtaking fiber samples of various alpaca and silk blends, that just make me drool (and are sitting in the drawer next to me for when I need a fondling fix) ... I have a career in radio, which is more than I can say for an awful lot of people who work in this industry...

But I'm not sure I want it anymore.

I love being on the air - I'm not right now. And I love doing production - thanks to the aforementioned troll, I'm hardly allowed to do that at all. And I really hate office politics. (this is for you, Gail) I am, in fact, morally superior because I choose not to play the office game. Okay, maybe I'm not. But I do find it so draining, and I don't think that those silly games and power plays are things that we should just accept because they're in every workplace. The spirit in me says to fight it, to not sit down and take it, to stand up for what's right. The pragmatist in me says to shut-the-hell-up-and-just-take-it-or-you'll-lose-your-job.

But I feel like I'm too old to play the game. And I'm young. I know that. I just can't stomach office politics.

It's a major reason I'd like to leave all offices behind, and have a farm. An alpaca farm. On the very first day of this blog I mentioned a dream, and this is it. Spending all day with animals, setting my own schedule, not dealing with finger pointers and office junk, just doing what has to be done because another living being depends on you, and counts on you. Working with nature to make something practical and beautiful. That's what I want.

I want it now.

I just have to get through a few more years of office politics to get the money to do it. That's the thought that drains my energy the most.

Thoughts for the Day:

John Muir - “Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.”

Shakti Gawain - “Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.”

Proverb - “Sleep is better than medicine.”

Velvet Underground - “I am tired I am weary I could sleep for thousand years A thousand dreams that would awake me Different colours made of tears”


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home

Marriage is love.