Tuesday, May 04, 2004

I will not go to Cloverhill.

I will not cyber-shop.

I will control myself, and work on any one of the many projects I have going right now.

I do not need more yarn.

I do not need more fiber - I don't even have a wheel yet!

I will behave myself.

*deep breath*

Okay, I feel better. But I tend to do this after fiber festivals, or time with my beloved knitting friends. The passion and energy is contageous, and over-whelming, and inspiring. It makes me want to create, and do more than I ever possibly could. It's like someone is pumping oxygen into my blood, and I suddenly don't have enough hands to knit everything I want to knit. I'm trying to decide if I should pay the electric bill or get the spinning wheel two weeks earlier. It's insanity.

It'll settle back down shortly, into a more balenced fiber-philia. Right now it's at a frothing-at-the-mouth, biting-my-own-ear kind of madness.

I'll think of something else. Oscar has class again tonight. I came home from work completely exausted, and had to run inside to get a camera, because he'd managed to wrap his lead around one of the branches from the woodpile, and came running up to greet me with this huge, 8-foot branch standing up on it's end, dragging along behind him. It suddently hit me today just how hard it's going to be to give him up. I suppose because he's starting to become the kind of dog that someone else would want. Before, he was too much for anyone - uncontrolled, and unmanageable. But he's worked so hard to be good... he almost really is right now. He's going to find a new mommy and daddy, and hopefully have other dogs and kids to play with, and cats that don't beat him up, and he's just going to love them to the ends of the earth and beyond, and he's not going to be mine anymore. He's not going to love me more than anything else on the planet because he'll have a whole new family full of loves. And I sincerely do want that for him. I want a family that will love him and pamper him and keep training him - maybe agility courses - and adore him and give him room to run and play and lots of friends. I can't give it to him, not as much as he deserves, and I want him to find someone who can.

But that means he's going to have to leave me. And I probably won't see him again after that. And saying goodbye to that gigantic ball of muscles and love is going to break my heart for some time.

I think I need to go give Oscar a hug ... and do some comfort knitting.

Thoughts for the Day:

William Shakespeare - “Passion, I see, is catching.”

Blaise Pascal - “When the passions become masters, they are vices.”


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