Thursday, May 27, 2004

Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 28?

I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Sure, I understand it's presuming quite a bit to think that I will actually ever grow up. But I can't imagine what I could be happy doing for the next 30+ years of my life.

There are a lot of things I love about radio. I love the creativity. The chance to perform, and build things, and make sound into emotion. I love being on the air, I love doing commercial production. But in five years I have yet to find a station that allows me to do that without destroying me in one way or another. This station is the first where management didn't go out of their way to "put me in my place". Nope, at this one, it's the co-worker who beats me down when he's healthy, and causes me to burn myself out physically when he's not.

Is it too much to ask for a career that would allow me to work with my strengths, and wouldn't kill my soul?

I'd love to work with animals. I don't think I could be a vet - I'm intelligent enough, but the thought of not being able to help them all, or worse yet, growing immune to that fact, is one that I wouldn't want to live with. And nearly every other aspect of working with animals presumes you are already wealthy, or were essentially born into it.

I never thought I'd like to be a housewife, or anything of the sort, but more and more I just want to spend time with my animals, knitting quietly with them beside me, or playing with them, taking care of them. I wonder if I were to give up a day job would I miss it? Would I miss the creative outlet? Maybe sometimes, but then this blog is a terrific outlet for me, when I can get to it. Would I miss seeing people everyday? Hardly - I've ALWAYS preferred animals to people.

Is it my destiny to never quite find what I'm looking for?

If anyone is a career counselor, please feel free to counsel away. Otherwise, I'm quite lost.

Thoughts for the Day:

Dave Sim - “The problem is maddening. The thing you seek is so close, you feel you could reach out and touch it. You feel it is your immutable destiny to do so. You have not come this far and at such a cost merely to turn around and go back. There is a solution. Of this you are certain. Now, no longer a game of mass, a game of destiny, it has become, instead a contest of wills. You focus on That Which You Seek as if your gaze alone might bring it closer or narrow the distance between you. Just as it feels as if your mind itself will explode from the strain.”

Unknown - “Your destiny is not always the one you seek, but always the one that finds you.”

Henry David Thoreau - “What sort of philosophers are we, who know absolutely nothing about the origin and destiny of cats?”


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