Wednesday, July 14, 2004

I'm just barely awake right now, after a long night of many strange dreams. I read once in college that people who remember their dreams often make good artists, performers, and teachers. For some reason, a person who remembers dreams also tends to be good at relating to and connecting with other people. According to that article, remembering dreams "often" was something like once a month. I remember dreams around once a week, or more.

Two last night.

In the first, which had me much more disturbed, I was visiting someone that I barely knew, and they wanted to show me a "new room" of theirs. We opened the door, and they'd turned the room on it's side, so that when the door opened, we were looking down into the room.

Only the room was filled with sea water, and in it gigantic fish were swimming around. Fish about 8 feet long, with sponge-y looking flaking orange skin. We were warned not to go too near them or they would eat us. I remember falling into the water, and flailing about to get out of the way, and kicking at the fish to keep them away from me. When I kicked them, I felt bad that I might have hurt them, but also grossed out because they were so spongey my foot sank into their flesh a bit. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling lost, and claustrophobic and confused...

It took some time to drift back to sleep after that, but when I did I had a dream that was much more vague - I remember much less detail about it. Fighting, anger, loud, sharp noises (like smacking, not really gunfire type noises) and shadow-y darkness.

So I guess neither of those would be something I'd want to talk about in a job interview, huh? I woke up feeling very insecure and strange, and found myself having to double check everything I did, after I put my glass of ice tea in the pantry and walked out of the house with Oscar sitting calmly inside waiting for me to put his leash on for our walk. I think I got things straight eventually.

Took Oscar for a walk (in his new purple harness that he loves) with Mary and a friend Denise who I haven't seen since early high school. Denise has gone through a LOT since then, and I think was shy with me because she wasn't sure how I'd take things. Last time I saw her, she was a sweet, beautiful young teen, who had her whole life ahead of her. Now she's a recovering addict with a son that she can't have custody over, a criminal record, and a very hard life. I'm proud of her for fighting as hard as she has, and not just giving up.

And the PTB are getting almost as fed up as I am with S, as he failed to show up Tuesday, or Friday. He actually sent an e-mail to one of the hosts of one of our Saturday shows saying he didn't feel well Friday but everything would be taken care of. That's all we know - he never took care of any of what he was supposed to, and never let me know what needed to be done, so I spent a lot of time scrambling to figure out what he'd already set up. Today I'm told if he isn't here by 1pm (three minutes from now) I'm to call and let them know, and one of the PTB has begun tossing words like "job abandonment" around.

So we'll see how that goes. Taking Dad out to dinner tonight for his birthday. I was going to give him the Fathers Day card that I never remembered to mail to him, but I forgot it when I left the house. No surprise. At least it's not in the fridge. I hope.

Thoughts for the Day:

Unknown - “What orbit of the planets has put you and me in this place, at this moment? Where time takes a breath, and we dance on the edge of our dreams?”

Hans Sachs - “All poetic inspiration is but dream interpretation.”

Edgar Allan Poe - “Dreams are the eraser dust I blow off my page. They fade into the emptiness, another dark gray day. Dreams are only memories of the plans I had back then. Dreams are eraser dust and now I use a pen.”


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