Friday, November 19, 2004

When Spinning Wheels Attack

Somewhere, out in the dark, looms a beast. A jealous beast, a beast greedy for more than its fair share of Princess Amie's time. And when Princess Amie devotes more time to others, to knitting, or animals....

The beast attacks.

There are those that simply say "Prithee, what harm could come from a simple spinning wheel?" but we know the truth. We know that what appears to be peaceful maple formed together in a way that could make yarn is really a viscious death trap, the jealous Fiona, attacking the innocent all in its quest for more time with the Princess.

Fiona might reach out and try to trip the handsome Prince GB as he walked past. "Always walking past me!" she would cry, "Never to spin!!!" But the Prince is a fearless warrior himself, and would deftly lift jealous Fiona and move her across the room. And here is where Fiona sinks low - for in her anger at being carried off by the Prince, this jealous beast would reach out and KICK loyal Oscar in the back of the head.

Do you know what sound a pitbull's skull makes when you thonk him in the back of the head with a fourteen pound spinning wheel?

Fortunately a dog bred for battle has little sensitivity to pain. We won't tell him he got hit if you don't.

But that wasn't enough for the jealous Fiona. She sat across the room as Princess Amie knit furiously on her holiday gifts, trying desparately to finish them in time.

"Oh, how I wish I could play with you, Fiona," said the Princess, in her dulcet tones, "but the holidays are drawing nigh, and I feel I shall never finish my knitting!"

But jealous Fiona did not believe the Princess, and sat across the room, simmering in anger at her neglect.

Days later, the Princess felt she should take a break from knitting, for her wrist was paining her slightly. Enthusiastically, she pulled a stool up to Fiona's side, and drafted out the Bransona's shetland and silk she had won at a festival nigh on many months before. Soon she and Fiona were whizzing along, pleased with their results.

Or so the Princess thought.

But Fiona was still stewing, waiting for her next opportunity for attack. And then the sweet and unsuspecting Aslan came along. Hopping into his mother's lap, he purred happily as she spun away on Fiona.

But soon his purrs became confused yowls. The Princess looked down at her precious Aslan, and saw that Fiona had been causing the yarn to brush his coat, and grab onto him like biting teeth. Fur was being ripped from his trusting little body and spun up into the wool the Princess was spinning. Fiona cackled, and Aslan narrowly made an escape.

The princess had learned her lesson. Never again would she neglect Fiona so hideously.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor Aslan. Would he be receptive to being shorn so his soft coat could painlessly be incorporated into WIP's? If Fiona misses your attention so, perhaps she might not be opposed to the prince giving her attention whilst the Princess Amie concentrates on holiday fare? I'm sure he's intrigued to try......


10:45 AM  
Blogger Amie said...

Don't you dare shave my cat! He'd be humiliated!!!!

But yes, the Princess would be more than happy to teach the Prince to spin...

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oowww! poor little aslan! i hope he's recovered from the indignity. good luck with your holiday knitting. i'm just starting mine this weekend.


11:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoosh - such passion for a princess who is not even red-haired like her owner! Must keep the princess happy - that's my motto!

12:22 PM  
Blogger caramelknits said...

Except for the cruelty to animals part, that was hilarious! I think I may be having the same problems with my dishwasher, but it's more of a goblin than a princess, for sure!

12:48 PM  
Blogger Amie said...

Well, remember Fiona got her name because even a princess has some troll-like moments...

1:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Ha! (poor kitty...) I love the way you tell stories....

11:35 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

I think you should teach the prince to spin, Princess Amie! He'd love it, I dare say!

8:34 PM  
Blogger Alissa said...


9:14 AM  

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