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Monday, February 07, 2005

I took roughly 87 bazillion pictures this weekend. I dyed some handspun, and have pictures of every single step, from bobbin to finished skein. I have pictures of Oscar and Trevor, to balence out yesterday's OliveBowl pictures (update: when asked what he would be doing after his victory, Aslan replied "I'm playing with MOHAIR!" and fell asleep on his blanket). I have pictures of the gorgeous stitch markers Planet Joni RAOKed me. I have pictures of the sock I knit during the game. For crying out loud, I even have pictures of our fish (in the aquarium. No fish were harmed in the taking of the photos).

I carefully chose which pictures would make the blog, edited them when needed. Loaded them onto Hello.

And somehow forgot to click "Publish" or something, because they aren't here now, are they? Hmm...

Well, get ready for PicturePalooza tomorrow because I took those damn pictures and you're going to enjoy them whether you like them or not!

After much confusing thought on the job at my broadcasting school, I was no further along. About the only positive thing I could come up with was that I didn't feel strongly one way or the other, so that when I imagined myself taking it, the heaven's didn't open to the choirs of angels singing, nor did the gates of hell swing wide. Same thing goes for me not taking it. I talked to the president again this morning, gave him a number that's about ten thousand higher than what I make now (which sounds great, but since I make shit now, ten grand higher just smells slightly less) and they didn't bat very much of an eye at that. Tried talking me down, but didn't really flinch. I even have a friend "seeing a door" * for me - which reminds me to send her a note that she doesn't have to do that, since the decision is made. Not that I'm going to tell you yet. I have more story to tell, having come right by my penchant for the dramatic.

Anyway, I hung up the phone with the president still not knowing how I felt. He was trying to push me into an answer, and I finally came out and said "I would rather tell you 'no' right now than to commit to this before I feel like it's really the right choice for me". Minutes after I hung up, Bill (my wonderful mentor) called. We talked for about half an hour, and he said flat out what was my main concern all along. "I have no doubt that you can do this and that you would be great for the school. I just don't know if the job would be great for you." Which is exactly how I'd felt all along. I know I can do the job. I know I can blow them away at it. What I don't know is if I'd be happy doing it. There are still several people that I love there, and that getting to spend more time with would be a blessing. The president himself is a sexist old codger, bit of a used-car-salesman type guy. Bill promised "you won't leave hating the school, but you'll leave hating him." But I still wasn't really sure how I felt.

So on the way into the office this morning, I was thinking about how I hate AC, how he drives me nuts. But also thinking that I do really like mostly setting my own hours, and being home nights to see GB when he's home. I'm pretty much the antithesis of a night person, and the job at the school would require two nights a week for the night school students. And while I love to teach, and love to teach knitting, doing so doesn't prevent me from doing knitting in the rest of my life. Teaching radio means I don't accept any full-time radio jobs that come up... not that I'm sure that I want them, but not being able to make that choice is daunting... which of course brings the question do I still have enough fire to encourage others to tolerate must be tolerated in this industry?

I was starting to lean more and more away from it. And the president just called me, and said they were going to offer the job to this other guy, and then rambled off into something about how having that guy on the health plan would drop the average and benefit the school and something or other, and then apparently realized what he was telling me and swore that the health care had nothing to do with their decision, but it didn't really matter at that point, because I didn't feel disappointed at all. So that was my clincher. No disappointment means I didn't really want it anyway, and I still get to keep in touch with Bill, and I can still visit the folks I do love up there, and I don't have to worry.

But I do still want another job. I just don't want that one. I want the right job. I'm tired of clawing my way up from the trenches. So I guess I'm just not going to be happy about that for a while!

* re: "seeing a door" - it is a psychic/intuitive method of problem solving, which requires an impartial party who knows nothing of the problem to visualize a door for you. What door they visualize, and how you interpret that, leads you to the answer of your problem. For example, if I am trying to make a decision about a job offer, and you know nothing of that, I can ask you to picture a door for me. If you see a big prison cell door, that doesn't open when you push it, and there are lots of dull colors and unhappy sounds, it doesn't bode well for that job. If, instead, you see a white picket fence that swings open easily and leads into a beautiful garden filled with roses, there are positive things there. The trick is that you can't know anything about the problem, or your own feelings may sway your intuition. But generally it's quite effective. Try it - it works!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours Spent Knitting: 15
Rows Completed (of 222): 30
Estimated Time of Completion: 111 hours

6 Comments:

Blogger Beth said...

Hmm - seeing a door - sounds very interesting. So, next time I have a problem to solve, I'll stop by here and ask you to see a door.

I'm the same way you are about making a major decision like that ... if it doesn't feel right, it ain't right. Every time I have ignored my intuition, I've been wrong.

The right job will reveal itself to you when the time is right.

1:41 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Best of luck to you, Amie. Sounds like it was a tough decision, but you went with your feelings, and that is usually a very good indicator. I have a feeling something more suited to your talents will come along very soon.

In the meantime, keep up the lovely spinning and knitting :)

Hope to hear from you soon!

1:48 PM  
Blogger --Deb said...

I'd say the fact that you don't feel disappointed is definitely a good sign.

And, thank you for explaining "*seeing a door"--I'd never heard of that before, but it sounds darn interesting!

2:30 PM  
Blogger vi said...

I will try that seeing a door thing.
meanwhile what we do here is light a candle.
ask that the right way will be shown for your higher good.
and then forget it while the candle burns
(new moon is the PERFECT time for this)
then we watch what happens that relates to what we asked for
works every single time
( even when we thought it wasn't...... it turned out it WAS cause sometimes you have to be positioned right)
vi

3:08 PM  
Blogger Elisa said...

Oh Amie, good for you! When you have a job as trying and stressful as the one you have, it can't be easy to say no to another job. Recognizing that the teaching job wouldn't be right for you, and choosing to wait for the job that will be right for you, takes a certain level of courage that lots of people just don't have.

I can't wait to see the photos. :)

11:06 PM  
Blogger ada said...

I'll have to try that sometime...Visualising a door. Never heard of it.
Can't wait to see the pictures you took. Hope you get them on your blog next time.

3:43 AM  

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