Friday, February 11, 2005


I'm listening to Outlander in the car right now. It's one of my all-time favorite books, I must've read it about thirty times by now, but I've never listened to it. When I ran across it in the library, I remembered reading an interview with Diana Gabaldon (the author) who said that on a certain recording, the woman who read the book sounded so much like Claire (the main character) that it startled Ms. Gabaldon. I don't know for sure if this is that narrator, but it's interesting to listen to something you know so well in print. For one thing, this Claire does not sound like she sounded in my head. When I read the book, Claire sounds... well, like me, in my british accent, which is admittedly more towards north England than pure London. This reader has a tiny touch of Scottish to her voice, which will come in handy when I get to the point where the Scottish characters enter, but took a bit of getting used to for me. So there's my assessment, as an anal retentive theater person who really enjoys doing dialects!


I had a knitting class this morning. One of my students is working on her first pair of socks. She's making a fake starter sock right now, which is fortunate, since she's using double points and keeps getting confused. She'll put her sock down, come back to pick it up, flip it inside out, and start knitting again. So there are several bands of reverse st-st forming on her sock. I was going to have her start the gusset increases today (we're going toe up) but I decided she should just keep trucking along on the foot until she could tell which way she was going more easily. My slow student started a hat Tuesday. When she came in, I told her I didn't want her to get discouraged (it's been how long now and she still can't knit consistantly, or purl consistantly!) but the truth is I was starting to get discouraged. I can't even imagine the tenacity this woman must have to keep going at this when she still can't get through a row without twisting, dropping, splitting, or otherwise messing up at least three of her stitches. I also had two new students today, two sisters. They were fun. One would get one thing quickly, the other would stumble, and then they would flip. The first got cast on with no problem, her sister stumbled. The second was knitting up a storm, the first took a while with that. Then the first dove into purling, and the second took some extra attention. And the reverse with ribbing. It was cute.


GB and I went to dinner last night, and were talking about me and jobs. I have been so beaten and battered by radio, it makes me very sad. But if I keep having all of these issues with the people I work with, and everything changes (radio station, station format, even the state I live in) but one thing, don't you have to blame that one thing for the problem? But that one thing is me, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong, because my mom thinks I'm delightful, and she wouldn't lie!

I had thought several times "well, I could go back to school..." but I don't know what I'd study, and I want so much to be able to buy a house, adding a school loan isn't really the best way to make that happen. But last night GB said "Do you want to go back to school?" and it was just so sweet. He really does want to see me happy and succeeding and has supported everything I've done to get there, even if I fail everytime.

But if I was to go back to school, what would I do? I could finish a teaching degree - I got about halfway through that in undergrad, and realized that I was spending too much time on those classes, and not enough on my major... About the only things I'd want to teach in a normal school would be Theatre or English. And would I want to teach them, really? I could study animals, but I don't want to do a lot of science (I'm good at it, but I don't enjoy it) and I have moral issues with dissection and that sort of research. And I could study for numerous careers that sit me behind a desk all day crunching numbers, but that really doesn't sound like fun at all to me.

I hate this. I hate feeling like I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I'm way too old to not know what I want to do when I grow up. Is it really unreasonable of me to want to earn enough money to live, and still enjoy the 40+ hours a week I'm at work? I know all jobs have bad things about them, but are they all 90% negative? Does anyone really like their job????


Hours Spent Knitting: 15
Rows Completed (of 222): 30
Estimated Time of Completion: 111 hours


Blogger Carol said...

I empathize with the entire not-knowing-what-to-be-when-I-grow-up feeling. Unfortunately, I got a BS degree and I'm still not sure. Having said that, I thoroughly enjoy many aspects of managing an office; it's the people I work with (and for) that make this such a bit** of a job. Give me a stack of reports, a pot of coffee, and leave me alone. I'll be fine.

2:18 PM  
Blogger erica said...

Amie, I completely feel for you. I'm using my second bachelor degree and hate it. I'm a software tester, I wouldn't wish my job on anyone especially at my large company. Last summer, I went through the I-don't-know-what-I-want-to-do-I-just-know-I-don't-want-to-do-this thing. Marrying a librarian or at the time, I was just engaged to him, but I never realized how much goes on behind the scenes in a library. I was very intrigued and started to do some research and find out what I could do with a library degree. Every librarian that I've talked to loves their job and almost 50% of librarians are going to be retiring in the next 10 years. So I applied and am waiting to hear about library grad school.

I am not surprised by the number of people who are changing careers in their late 20s and early 30s. We're not like our parents who work the same job for 40 years and then retire.

Maybe this radio station isn't for you, have you thought about going somewhere where you could mentor new radio people coming out of school? Or thought of working in a broadcasting museum where they would love your radio knowledge and experience? I think you'll find your answers and they will just pop when you least expect them. Do some morning journaling for 15 minutes and just write, don't try to think about what you're writing, like morning pages in the Artist's Way.

I completely empathize and hope that you find what you're looking for when you're ready.

erica :)

3:25 PM  
Blogger snowballinhell said...

I actually like the office numbers-crunching atmosphere in which I work. The job itself is a bit dull at times, but it's not too bad. The people I work with are amazing, and that makes it all worthwhile.

I've never used my BA degree, but it's there!

4:17 PM  
Blogger Nancy said...

As someone who decided to go back to school, I know the difficulties your going through. For me, though, I knew that I hated my career and not just the specific job. It doesn't sound like this is necessarily the case for you. I know it's not cheap, but have you considered a career counselor? I have a friend-of-a-friend that has used one and it really helped him figure out exactly what path to choose.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

You and I must be on the same book wavelength, Amie. I've been thinking all week about reading Outlander again...for the 100th time. :)

Good luck deciding what to do when you grow up! ;)

6:38 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Amie, I was feeling the same way that you feel now about a year ago. That is when I bit the bullet, and did what I always wanted to do: go to library school. I love it. It is not as easy as it sounds, but it is very rewarding. There are so many things that you can do with libraries and archives. With your radio experience, they would love to get you on some oral history archives projects! We are lucky in Maryland to have two schools that are very good: UMD and Catholic (where I go). The library field is wide open, and there are so many openings (and there will be more since this is a "graying" profession. If you have any interest in this at all, check out UMD and CUA's websites. I can email them to you if you like. Let me know...

I wish you luck.

9:54 PM  
Blogger David said...

A very wise woman, from whose loins you and I sprung, once told me that she sometimes had to work to remember what she loved about her job--but that when she DID remember, it made all the not-so-lovable stuff worth it.

I, for one, absolutely hate certain parts of my job. Hate them. Wish I didn't have to deal with them. Wish, in fact, there were a special button under my desk that would eject through the ceiling anyone who brought them to my attention. Violently. Without opening the ceiling first.

But then I get to go out there and sing, and in spite of me it just works, and I think, "oh yeah. This is it. This is what I've always wanted to do."

Then I just think about the pain-in-the-butt stuff, and I thumb my nose at it, and I say, "nanny, nanny, boo-boo, I'm happy, no matter WHAT you say."

Or, failing that, I go to Friendly's and have a peanut-butter cup sundae.

Whatever works for you.

10:44 PM  
Anonymous Alyx said...

I know what you mean. I have just recently really decided what I want to be when I grow up. The problem now is finding the time and the money to go back to school and get it done. There is also the issue of having messed up at school so bad the first time that I have to talk someone into giving me another chance. Ugh.

Good luck figuring things out.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Elisa said...

Have you thought about going to a career counselor or something like that? I've had friends who have found it really helpful.

Re: buying the house or going back to school...If you identified something you really wanted to do that required you going back to school, wouldn't it be better to do that and put off buying a house for a year or two instead of owning a house but spending a majority of your time feeling beaten down?

I'm just sayin' can always buy a house and life is too short to spend so much time unhappy if there is ANYTHING you can do to change the situation.

And y'know what? I frickin' love my job. Finally.

Have a great weekend, Amie.


12:14 PM  
Anonymous Margot said...

Wow. This is crazy. I just quit my radio job 3 weeks ago to pursue another career. I just stumbled across your blog while procrastinating on homework. *blush*

There IS life after radio, sister. I don't know you well enough to know if leaving now is the right thing to do, but you do sound just like I did for the last few years. If all you're waiting for is to imagine what it is you want to do, make that a priority and it will come. Good luck.

7:58 PM  
Blogger thrill_me_mogilny said...

Amie, it's mokey from KR. IF you really, really want to attend school, and have family willing to foot the bills whilst doing so, do it. My mum went back to post secondary education when she was 60 years old; it's never too late.

I've found that before making such a drastic change, it's best to go on holiday - ALONE. No spouse, no child, minimal communication.

3:28 AM  
Blogger thrill_me_mogilny said...

Isn't the "Time Space Continuum Shawl" the "Creatures of the Reef" by Fiddlesticks Knitting? I've knitted baout 14 rows of mine but I'll have to frog it and start since I forgot which row I was on.

3:32 AM  
Blogger Elayne said...

I think you are looking at all wrong!
Who on earth told you that "have" to know what you'll do when you grow up. Or even that you should "have" to follow only one direction.

Remember this saying: "There is a time and place for EVERYTHING!"

And don't forget to click your "refresh" button!

You'll only get one trip so make it as exciting as you can.

Good luck from an ex-pat Limey

8:01 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Have you thought about an MFA? Master of Fine Arts? It encompasses textiles, pottery, painting, etc... and you can focus on your choice. I believe it also focuses on teaching those fine arts and might be something you would enjoy.

And like Snowball, I also love my job. I am a number cruncher too, and that fuels and satisfies my technical side, while knitting, spinning and designing satisfy my more creative side.

9:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


First off, thanks for your comment the other day. The KR review really helped.

I can so relate to your anxst. I think most of us do what's expected and then realize that we aren't number-crunching puppets after all.
There is no shame in taking the time to figure out what you want to do. The simplest (I'm sure you've already heard) is, "do what you love, are good at and the money will come". Judging from your blog, you are not at all a boring, office type. You're much too creative for that.

9:16 AM  

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