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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Um. Wow.

This has been such a surreal weekend. I feel like any second I'm going to wake up... but all those lovely comments would vanish (you guys made my mom cry! She didn't even cry at my wedding! She's the tough one in the family!) It's almost like everything I look at now as this haze over it. I don't intend to turn this into a cancer blog, because I intend to keep living my life as normally as I can do so in good health. But the best way I can describe it is to say that every single fiber of my being has changed, and yet nothing has. That doesn't make sense, I know, but it's true.

I'm still making lots of cancer jokes. They seem to be a combination of denial and trying to keep saying the word until it has meaning. Right now it seems so obscure and weird and something completely unrelated to me, although it certainly is. It's like I'm talking about someone else who doesn't really exist.

And then every once in a while something will strike me as "oh my god, I'm talking about me" and it makes me catch my breath.

But look, your prayers are very appreciated. Your support means the world. But this isn't gonna get me. I'm not giving up. I've got waaaay too much to live for.








I spun some sock yarn (still unplied) and finished my little angel scarf, but you'll get pictures of those tomorrow. In the meantime, gotta tell the bosses today. Keep me in your prayers that I don't have a sudden moment of breaking down like a baby in front of them.

And thanks, really.

11 Comments:

Blogger Carol said...

Amie, dear, in situations like this -- crying is allowed, even in front of the bosses. Embarrassing as all get out, but certainly allowed. Even expected, as it turns out.

I know you'll overcome this little speed-bump on your road of life.

Hugs and prayers.

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Julie said...

I hope talking to the bosses goes well. I had to have brain surgery some years ago now (just minor, really) and that conversation was really tough because I'd only been working at the job for 6 months. I missed 4 weeks and then could only manage part time for another 4 weeks, it was tough but Bill was patient and never complained. I'm sure your bosses will be lovely and understanding.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Shea said...

Hey Amie! Thinking positive thoughts for you during this rough time. I heard an "old-time" doctor once say that healing is more mental than anything else and if you keep your head in the right place (think happy thoughts) then you're body will typically follow suit! I feel certain with your determination and this incredible support system you've acquired that you'll do just fine!

Shea

10:44 AM  
Blogger erica said...

Amie, remember to breathe through everything! DH and I were listening to Dr. Andrew Weil this weekend and his amazing stories of prescribing deep breathing to people.

I hope things go well with the bosses. They always seem to be more understanding than you expect.

Sending lots of hugs {{{{{}}}}}}
erica :)

10:55 AM  
Blogger snowballinhell said...

I can understand why you don't want this to become a cancer blog, but at the same time, be warned that we'll pester you for health updates, as well as knitting and spinning and general life stuff. Only because we care.

Good luck with the bosses.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

Amie,

As a faithful reader of your blog I want you to know that I am sending you my best wishes for your speedy recovery. Cry as much as you want to in front of whoever is there when you need to cry. You are going through a tough time and you're entitled.

Love the angel scarf.

11:22 AM  
Blogger vi said...

amie, it is a bit harder for you because you have to wait for treatment
the waiting is the worst part
if you were in and had the thyroid removed and then gotten either seeds or pin point, you would be more relieved.
you would also feel a bit more adjusted as then you would be able to look forward more with out this 'event' in your future.... it would be in the past and you would be just getting better

everyone is in your corner.
and in thirty years, you will look back and see that the cancer thing while scary, isn't what you remember....... you remember most the folks who cared about you
vi
who looks forward to talking to you about it in 30 years

11:48 AM  
Blogger Amy Boogie said...

I cried when I told my bosses I was pregnant the first time. It's expected at times. If you cry it makes you more human not less tough :)

We want to know how you're doing. I come here not just to see what fabulous new thing you're spinning or knitting but to see how you're doing. I have a feeling if you don't tell us a little bit, you'll end up with a mailbox full of questions.

xox
Boogie

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sending hugs

shaggy

1:29 PM  
Blogger dragon knitter said...

i'm with ya, hon. 100%. let em see ya cry, you're human. this will not get you down. just keep fighting. we love you

11:54 PM  
Anonymous stephanie said...

Amie, I second the motion to remember to breathe. I was quite sick some years ago (you can email if you want details) and the best advice anybody gave me was to breathe. It never stopped helping. I'm with ya, if only in spirit.

9:20 AM  

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