Thursday, August 04, 2005

Dear Karma,

I would like to profusely apologize for everything I did wrong in my youth. I thought I had already done that, but it would appear from this summer's events that I was erroneous in that thought.

I apologize for that error as well.

I also realize it was cocky of me to think I could figure out how to put a temporary fix on my phone problems. While my idea of stringing a phone line from the outdoor phone box through a window did work, it was clearly silly of me to think that I could outsmart you in anyway, althought I promise that was not my intention. Sure, the phone now works, but I hope you feel better knowing my home computer is still positively fried, and the mess I made rearranging the furniture in my living room so I could reach all the outlets while trying to figure out the problem with the phone and the computer will probably take me several weeks to recover from.

And I understand I should have been more frightened by the frog you sent to attack me last night. Here we are, miles from any actual bodies of water, and a frog the size of a small Toyota leaps out at me in the darkness. How were you to know I'm not actually afraid of amphibians? I hope you got some satisfaction in the mental trauma you caused my pitbull, and feel that your job of terrorizing me was at least slighly continued because of that.

I admit that this morning I thoughtlessly tempted fate by wondering out loud about the strange situation of Trevor having only caught one mouse when normally mice seem to travel in herds. It was foolish of me to then put my foot into my shoe without looking, but you have to admit, I did give you a great opportunity. Kudos to you for rising to the occasion.

You've done a fine job of reprimanding me for that pack of bubble gum I stole when I was four. And who ever thought I'd feel so guilty for drinking wine coolers in back of the gym in middle school, now, fifteen years later? All in all, in a summer wrought with life-threatening disease, death, unemployment, separation from loved ones, a hit-and-run, flat tires, running out of gas, vandalism to my car, mice infestation, sick dogs, destruction of the computer, loss of phone lines, illness of friends and marital troubles of other friends, I have to say to you, brilliant work, Karma, truly brilliant.

And so it is now that I say to you, with nothing but the greatest sincerity in my heart, I am sorry.

For whatever I've done, whatever I've thought of doing.

I am sorry.

You have found my limit and passed it, all because of your committment to getting the job done - for which I can only commend you. But I think it's safe to say now that I have been duly reprimanded, and you can move on to someone else now.

Thank you.


Blogger Amanda said...

Hugs, babe! That's all I can really say. Everything else would be a meaningless cliche. Please feel free to email me at if you need some shoulder to cry on or someone to rant to.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A dead mouse in the shoe? That beats my snake in the oven. I am wondering what you did to deserve that, though. Time for an autobiography?

5:44 PM  
Blogger vi said...

darlink.......I tell you over and over
LARRY MOE AND CURLY are running the universe
and good thing the mouse was if fact DEAD
or you would be adding 'mouse bitten toes and attendent trama' to that list along with 'emergency room visit' and squisheed mouse guts ........

we loves ya kid

6:16 PM  
Blogger erica said...

Wow, when it rains, it truly pours around your house. You definitely need a serious hug, but a virtual one is all I can send from Illinois right now. Let's hope the bad karma is done with you for a while, bring on some good karma.

6:22 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

Jeez, and I thought my day was tough...

A hug to you, Amie. As they say in my neighborhood: "Gonna do?"

Press on regardless, eh?

9:04 PM  
Blogger David said...

"Move on to someone else" OUTSIDE the family, please. Although we appreciate your visiting all of our historic grievances upon the baby sister--she always has been the strong one in the family. : )

10:05 PM  
Anonymous Shea said...

Hey Karma was kicking my butt last year... want to total up the dead & dying on my farm? I'm still not fully over that!! This year is better... no death... but still has it's moments... although they're getting better!

Sorry to hear Karma's working on you now!!

10:51 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Sometimes all you can do is hunker down until karma is through kicking you around, and remember that this too shall pass - but damn, you're really getting clobbered right now!

5:43 AM  
Blogger Carolyn B. said...

Aww, honey!!! I don't even know you except through reading your blog, and I wanna give you a reassuring hug. And I'm also laughing while I'm sympathizing. Your wonderful, bitter-funny wicked sense of humor -- and your recognition of the absurd in daily life -- will see you through these tough times, which would make weaker souls stumble and fall. You are clearly a survivor. Funny just how attractive Karma finds that trait, though, isn't it!

You didn't ask for advice, which is a good thing since I really don't have any! Just a philosophy to share: "This too shall pass. ... Like a kidney stone, apparently, but it WILL pass." ;o)

Best of wishes to you, and I hope you soon see improving health, the stability of your car, a financial uptick, improved daily life on your new meds (Synthroid is wonderful), luck with your computer un-frying efforts (have you tried posting your problems to the website? They helped me a LOT, particularly their "before you post" instructions for fixing many errors), and other woes.

Hopefully, you'll soon put a bootprint on Bad Karma's ass as you toss it out the door.

Cheers - Carolyn B.

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Prairieknitter said...

Argh! What a day! I hope your phone troubles and all other troubles resolve. If you were within reach, I would dispatch our best phone tech with my best mouser cat!

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am going to pass this on to Karma and she will get back to you ASAP - I promise. You just wait - she will send you a whole bunch of good Karma!

Wishing you and awesome weekend. :)

Sue F

10:31 PM  
Blogger goodkarma said...


Apology accepted.

I think you've suffered enough to put the universe back in balance for the moment; I hope that from now on you'll find that all of the good, selfless actions you've done in the past will boomerang right back to you.

Karma :)

1:16 AM  

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