Friday, December 23, 2005

Crash landing?

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...
It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

So if you care to find me
Look to the Western sky!
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves the chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me!
Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high, defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!!

(from Wicked music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz)

You all know it's been a tough year for me. I've lost an awful lot. My health, my friends, a lot of support that I foolishly thought would always be there.

But I've lost more than that. In the past few years in radio, I've lost some things that I liked about myself. A spark, a fire, a passion, a joy... they've all faded.

And those things were a big part of who I thought I was.

I want that fire back.

And things are more easily combustible at greater heights, right?

So I'm leaping.

I have a wonderful husband who for reasons unbeknownst to me loves me more than I ever thought anyone would or could. I have some really great friends all over the country. I have a nutty family. (Many of these people are hearing this news for the first time, by the way)

What I don't have

is a safety net.

Today is my last day at the radio station.

I need to take some risks to start that fire. I honestly believe my unhappiness in work has caused a lot of my health issues, I know it's affecting the person I am, and I know that affects the partner I am to my husband.

I've left things on good terms, and in fact was told by one of my bosses "if you ever find yourself in the position of needing a reference, I hope you will do me the high honor of being able to speak up on your behalf." I have a few coals in the fire, none have lit yet. But if you believe in signs, within hours of my giving notice at the station, four of those "coals" made contact with me, without my doing anything additional at all.

I have faith, I have drive, and for the first time in a very very long time, I have passion.

So things will work out. I'll make them.

Pray for me, please.


Blogger CarolineF said...

Go for it. If you have the support, then now is the time.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Ann-Marie said...

I've wished this for you since I started reading your blog. Now you can fly. And yes indeed, you do have my prayers.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

With the kind of support you have from your family and friends, your wings will stay strong and keep you aloft. Congratulations!

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a strong, strong woman. I only wish I had enough courage to break away from my job and pursue my dreams. I'm pulling for you!

9:55 AM  
Blogger purlewe said...

wishing you the best ever luck.


10:06 AM  
Blogger Leslie Shelor said...

Many prayers heading your way. I jumped off the edge myself a couple of years ago, and haven't regretted it for a minute.

10:45 AM  
Blogger fig said...

Good stuff, Amie. Thanks for showing yet another example of acting on faith--when you do, doors open. Lots of joy coming for you!

10:54 AM  
Blogger Kim in Oregon said...

Good for you, Amie. A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for, as Shedd said.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Dani said...

May this leap bring you happiness and success, but most importantly, may it show you your instincts were right, and allow you to trust yourself fully. GOOD FOR YOU!

11:18 AM  
Blogger Maryellen said...

Knock em dead? Call me when you land!

12:24 PM  
Blogger Amy Boogie said...

Congrats on taking that leap. I hope you fly high and find the happiness and spark you're looking for.

12:24 PM  
Blogger Agnes said...

I wish you all the best.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Well it's about damn time, girl! (I'm kidding of course.) Good for you--I'm so proud of you! And don't fret, I know anyone in their right mind would snap you right up off the job market in a flash. And I know you already celebrated early and all, but celebrate again!Merry Christmas!

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations! I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well on this journey...

Onwards and upwards!

Myshelle10 from KR

1:43 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

Amie, I just know that good and wonderful things will happen in 2006 for you and yours. I'll keep praying for you as well.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

You go for it, girl. 2006 is going to be a year of big things.

3:44 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

I'm so pleased for you, Amie. You are some kind of woman, strong and brave.

6:38 PM  
Blogger Martha said...

There are folks pulling for you in every port in the storm - we're sending up wish & prayer balloons for you & keeping our fingers & toes crossed for extra measure.
You are so well loved & well respected & treasured - girlie, we support ya!

7:28 PM  
Blogger David said...

No sense working for anything but love. Ever. Life is too short, eh?

8:51 PM  
Blogger dragon knitter said...

i keep hearing the last line of the theme song for "that girl" when marlo thomas throws her beret. "you're gonna make it after all!"

you go girl. make that spark match your hair! we love ya, and back you 110%

9:38 PM  
Blogger Jensgalore said...

Good luck! I admire your courage and determination!

10:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know how you've lasted this long at a job you don't like. I'm proud that you've shown enough maturity and responsibility and self-respect to let your true worth be obvious to your boss. And I'm proud that you're brave enough to leap.

I'll bet you feel better each day you wake now!

Good things will come.

6:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Too many people trudge on doing things they hate - living in fear.

Time to see what else there is out there!

Jan B.

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Shea said...

;) I think it's the right move... and I think doing something you hate is detrimental to your well-being so this is definitely a leap in the positive direction!


11:08 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Prayers are there for you. I took a leap a long time ago and have never regretted it. Life seems to pick you up and carry you along to a new passion - I have no doubt you will find it and soon! That being said, I'd like to wish you and your family a VERY happy Christmas filled, with love and laughter! You certainly deserve it after the year you have had.

9:09 PM  
Blogger dragon knitter said...

merry christmas, aimee, and here's hoping for a better year!

10:03 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

You have my prayers...I am always amazed by those who are willing to take that leap, do something scary and daring, rise above. You, dear, are one of those that I am amazed by. All my best thoughts and wishes are headed your way.

Merry Christmas, and here's to a New Year full of leaps of faith.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

Good luck, honey! You'll see, as soon as you "Let go and let God", things change for the better.
Have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year!

10:38 PM  
Anonymous marti said...

Glad you felt the urge to do something for yourself. As always, my thoughts are with you.

On that note, I hope you have a blessed holiday

3:01 PM  
Blogger Zippianna said...

More people than you'd ever realize are pulling for you Amie. There's an awful lot of strength in that factor.

You have a very Happy New Year, Doll. Take care

1:46 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Boy oh boy can I ever relate to the first few paragraphs of this post. Good luck. Find your peace. Find yourself. Be prepared for the most unexpected answers to those burning questions swirling around in your head.

3:54 AM  

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