Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Grumble Grumble Grumble

I didn't sleep well last night. That's becoming less and less unusual, but nevertheless, it was rough getting out of bed this morning.

Then I knew I needed to go grocery shopping, and decided to go to Safeway to get some of their yummy soups to stock the freezer, even though that meant driving past two closer grocery stores. I went around and stocked up on the soups, other frozen veggies and things like that. I then walked to the front with my frozen food laden cart, looked at the only two lines they had going, and went to the slightly shorter line.

Shortly after, a group of maybe three or four German speaking folks came up behind me. I know enough German to know only that they were in fact speaking something German or something close to it, but none of them had a wedgie.* They were invading my bubble. Perhaps it's a cultural difference? But they wanted to stand reeaaallly close to me, constantly brushing against me, and it was creeping me out. Then another woman walked up, and rather than getting behind us in line, she walked right up next to me and just stood there. When I started loading my items on the conveyor belt, she started sighing. Then the fans switched on, and I glanced up at the noise and saw that the fans were now pushing the herd of balloons of Elmo and the Wiggles and various other cartoon characters (which have what to do with grocery shopping, I ask you??) away from their previous position of blocking the "EXPRESS LANE" sign.


So I started apologizing and took my items off the belt and back into my cart and went and stood in the longer line. The sighing lady was suddenly gracious, and didn't even spit on my food as I had to ask her to excuse me to get past her to get all my food back. I wouldn't have gotten in the lane if I'd have seen the sign, it was just those damn balloons.


When I finally paid and headed to the parking lot, I was looking for a little handicap accessible ramp to take the cart to my car, since I had taken the moral high road and parked far out at the other side of the lot. I couldn't find a ramp. There must be one, though, right? Can't find it. Finally, I see one about 120 yards away. So I'm walking, pushing this big heavy cart all the way across the shopping center, and people are looking at me funny again.

Well, dammit this is starting to tick me off!

I loaded stuff into the car, and started back to the store to return the cart, now started to get a little tired from all this walking. And then I see the ramp. Which had been approximately fifteen inches from where I stopped to look for the ramp to begin with.


I get home, load everything into the house and get things in the freezer. Then I decide to make lunch. I heated it up, put it on the plate, turned to bring it to my seat, and lost my balence in the turn, fell backwards slightly, caught myself by stepping on a dustpan and breaking that, and dropped my lunch all over the floor.


Once it cooled down enough to touch, which involved a brief game of tackle football to keep Trevor and Oscar away from the mess, I got that cleaned up (mostly) and started to make another lunch for myself. This time I wasn't taking any chances, and decided to go for a simple sandwich.

I opened the bread without incident. I opened the mustard without incident.

The mayonaise, however, fought back.

I flipped the lid for the little squeeze bottle and it started pouring out, and wouldn't stop. Somehow I had created some sort of freakish suction, and I couldn't get the mayo to stop. It was everywhere, all over me, all over the counter, defying gravity, shooting up, shooting out.... It was gross.


And my camera isn't working either, or I'd have pictures of almost every step in today's fun.

I give up.

I'm having Vermonty Python for dinner.

Forgot to explain the * about how I knew the folks behind me didn't have wedgies:
When I was in college I lived sophomore year in the "German Suite" with Rick, Randy, Ryan, Amy, Amy and me (Amie). I don't speak German, but had already agreed to live with my roommate (Amy) before the Suite was developed, and everyone else was okay with my being there, so that's how it worked out. In that year I learned how to say only one thing in German (and not how to spell it, so forgive me here): Meine unterhosen hangst schvichen meine arshbacke which literally translates to "My underwear hangs between my ass cheeks."


Blogger Laura said...

Wow. *hugs*

10:34 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

Well, hon, you sure made my day with that little litany of grumbles! Tomorrow is another day...

10:38 PM  
Anonymous twig said...

I'm sorry you had a bad day, but I appreciated the chuckle.

11:29 PM  
Blogger Theresa said...

I know it's not nice to laugh at other people's troubles, but your recount of the day's events was hilarious. But not the part about the soup. Spilled soup, tasty spilled soup, is tragic. Better luck tomorrow!

12:30 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Hope today is better!

9:10 AM  
Anonymous PuppyMomma said...

I've had days like that, so I completely sympathize with you. And I too only know a bit of German. Mensch, du hast ein vogel. Which apparently means Man, you're crazy. Or literally translated, Man, you have a bird (in the head). Oh yeah. And Koo Tippen. Which means, cow tipping.

10:16 AM  
Blogger --Deb said...

Oh boy, that IS quite a start to the day, isn't it?? Hope it gets better!

10:17 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Ack! I hope it's not spreading--it sounds a lot like how MY morning is going today!

10:23 AM  
Blogger Kadiddly said...

Some days you wish you had just stayed in bed! I hope that today you get lots of relaxing knitting done!

1:10 PM  
Blogger AuntyNin said...

Sorry to hear you're having that kind of day. It almost makes you afraid to try to do anything, doesn't it?

1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Honey bunny....
Go back to bed and start over....

*I know enough German to know as I was reading your "Wedgie" story it was VERY funny! LOL

Frohe Ostern! (Happy Easter!)

N,G & E in PA

1:24 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Someone must explain the difference between a thong and a wedgie to me someday. My entire week has been your day, so believe me, I empathize!

7:46 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Wouldn't it be great to learn how to say that in a variety of langauges? Pretty useful stuff!
I finished another sock this week!

8:19 AM  
Anonymous Mama Bear said...


Someone once asked me when I signed up for the disaster of the month club. I have let my subscription lapse and hope to never resubscribe. Hopefully your day was just a trial subscription and has already expired!

Wishing you a relaxing calm and trouble free weekend.

5:52 AM  
Blogger LaliƤna :) said...

Wow. Your other commenters are so nice. The first thing I thought of to write was


But then again, we all know, I'm the mean one.

I have another German word to describe your day:

Schadenfreude: Happiness at the misfortune of others.

Which I learned not in some classy place like you, but from the Avenue Q cast recording.


(But I hope it all gets better!)

Laura :)

11:26 AM  
Blogger emy said...

Goodness! You have had a rough day...sending good karma your way :)

11:00 AM  
Blogger Midsummer night's knitter said...

I know it's bad to smile at another's misfortune.......but I just couldn't help myself. Why is that once one things goes pear-shaped, the rest of the world follows suit? Hope you are having a better time now.

5:05 AM  

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