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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Angels Watching Over Me

Most days I'm dealing with waiting for the biopsy results very well (despite what the heterosexual men in my life seem to think, but that's another rant) . I am usually able to acknowledge the things that frighten me most (that all of this is going on right around my voice, which is my life, and, most neurotically, if I have to go to the hospital, they'll put tape on me.) and realize that they are perhaps not the most rational fears. I recognize them, but I do not succumb to them.

Last night was not one of those good days. Last night the waiting really kicked my ass, and after several hysterical crying fits, one of which included pulling over to the side of 97 on the way home from work, I decided I needed to get a little closer to some of the many angels in my life. I have friends surrounding me with white light, I have friends sending their spiritual helpers to help mine, and still last night I felt alone and dark, and there was no way I was going to make it through the final 48 hours of waiting (and however long dealing with the results takes) feeling like that.

I decided to get started on that yarn spun from the fiber my Benevolant Benefactor sent me, figuring it would help sooth me, and bring some of her strength into my life. First I did a little test swatch to make sure my idea would work.

See it? After seeing the swatch, I decided to make a slight modification to give them thicker wings, but it's an angel scarf!

Or rather, it's part of an angel scarf. But I figure I should be able to get it finished by the appointment tomorrow afternoon, since it's taking me about 20 minutes to do 2 angels. I don't think I'm halfway through the ball yet, so it should end up being about 24 inches long when it's done.

The gorgeous needles I'm using were part of a junk set I got (also off e-bay) to help make that lazy kate thing. Most of them were big clunky plastic or metal, and I've separated out the ones I want for my kate, and then will send the rest onto Jen to donate to her kids' school. But these are really pretty and tortoiseshell, which I hold dear anyway, and I'm loving them for this yarn - just the right grab.

After working on that for a while (and watching Hook on tv - great movie) I felt much more at ease... the white light, the helpers, the angels... they were all having a little yarn party at my house last night.

So I don't know if I'll post tomorrow, but I'll let you know what's going on shortly!

19 Comments:

Blogger erica said...

Amie, even those of us you may not feel, we're there with you. Praying and hoping for the best. Ultimately, the universal spirit will take care of you, no matter what the results. You're strong, you're a woman and you'll get through this as a strong woman who will fight for her health.

11:15 AM  
Blogger xmasberry said...

i hope it goes well. i had to have a surgical biopsy last december and was pretty nervous, but managed to get to the point where i knew that if it did turn out to be cancer, i could deal with it. it turned out to not be a tumor and i made myself a i-have-two-healthy-breasts sweater to celebrate. otherwise i would have been making a lot of hallowigs and chemo caps.

i'll be thinking of you.

-holly

11:17 AM  
Blogger Kim in Oregon said...

Amie, more good thoughts coming your way. Hang in there.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sending hugs your way....Linda

12:51 PM  
Blogger Amy Boogie said...

You are in my thoughts. If there is anything I can do (from miles away), just let me know.

1:16 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

Amie, more good thoughts coming your way. Having recently been through the waiting-for-days stuff, I do understand the mood swings. Here's hoping your results are as good as mine.

Carol

1:19 PM  
Blogger vi said...

it is my personal opinion that you will be fine
so you can hang onto that for a big
I did once send you my phone number
call if you need to
vi

4:35 PM  
Blogger David said...

Knowing when you need angels is a given.
Knowing that you have angels is a comfort.
Knowing where to find your angels is a blessing.
Knowing how to make your own… that’s a gift.

((( long-distance hug )))

Love ya.


P.S. - Re-reading that, it sounds like a MasterCard commercial. Ignore those overtones, please. : )

4:46 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Thinking good thoughts for you...Hang in there.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

In the immortal words of Tom Petty, the waiting is the hardest part. Anything will be easier than not knowing, because of course that leads to anticipating the worst. Prayers and virtual hugs! Love that angel scarf, too!

7:12 PM  
Blogger Leslie Shelor said...

I've often felt at times like this that if I could just SLEEP through the hours of not knowing...

Here's to knowing GOOD things soon!

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Morgan said...

my thoughts and prayers are with you! **huge huge huge hugs**

9:23 PM  
Blogger Teri S. said...

I'll be hoping that your thyroid biopsy results turn out like mine did, with nothing wrong. Hang in there, listen to your body, and trust your innate wisdom.

9:35 PM  
Anonymous brandy said...

I'm sending all my best thoughts your way. You are so wonderful, and I just know everything will come out fine in the end, whatever happens. If you ever need anything, you know how to find me (and at least a dozen others who will do whatever possible for you).

12:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

shaggy

7:25 AM  
Blogger Tracy said...

Thinking of you over here too.

11:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amie, I'm thinking of you, too! In fact, I noticed your absence on KR today, and wandered over here to make sure you were okay. I am sending many good thoughts your way.

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops, that was me above. --Rachel

4:06 PM  
Blogger vi said...

hopefully you will be up to posting soon, as really everyone is worried
and we may have to send the hounds after you.........
since my hound is not alive anymore I will have to send in the curly headed pseudo hound..........
and that won't be easy as he chews EVERYTHING
vi
who is actually very concerned but cracks jokes when she is upset

7:19 PM  

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