Friday, June 03, 2005

I had a weird dream last night about a friend I haven't seen in ages. My entire life I've had male best friends - right now, my husband fills that role (with some lovely additional benefits). I also right now have an amazing support group of women - really, it brings tears to my eyes and takes my breath away to think of them. Hundreds of folks on the internet, and a small, specific group of women I know through KR and came to meet in person (you know who you are, dear ones, I love you so). For a while, I had two "best" friends, a male and a female. They so balenced each other out that I used to tease them that they were like Clark Kent and Superman and had never been seen in the same place at the same time.

But once I had one best friend who was a female. It was an amazing friendship. We worked at the same place, lived right next door, and knew everything about each other. She was amazed by me, I was amazed by her, and I do think it was the closest I've ever been to any one female in my life. But she was dating involved with hung up on a married man. She was crazy about him, worshipped him, idolicized him, and he treated her like crap. She was the only one who thought it was ever going to be a real relationship, and my friendship with her piddled out shockingly fast when I made the mistake of telling her how hard it was to watch her in this relationship with someone who treated her like this, obviously had no respect for her, and completely used her and her emotions for his own personal ego trip. She was offended, and I lost her. It was gradual and at the same time instantaneous. Since then I've moved away and back again, and looked her up on the internet, in phone books, and everywhere I can think of. No luck. I guess she's just gone from my life.

I still think about her sometimes, at important times in my life. She never met my husband - I had just met him and was starting to get to know him the last time I spoke to her. She would have been my maid of honor - I had none. And she would be the one I would talk to about many of my feelings dealing with this cancer.

And I dreamed about her last night. I dreamed of running into her some place public, and having that same instant chemistry and love and humor. We talked about how we each thought we'd seen the other, and were too scared to speak up.

Never let it be said my subconscious over does it on the "sub" part. A two year old could interpret my dreams, you know? But Karen, if by some obscure chance you're reading this - I'm looking for you, I swear.

But it's not as though I don't have people with whom to talk about the cancer. I'm handling things well, I'm feeling hopeful and stubborn and loved, and I really have no worries. Besides, if I had a dollar for every person who's said "if you need to talk, I'm here" to me in the past week, I could cure cancer!

Better yet, we could take all those dollars and help someone who doesn't have the support, the love, the hope, and the sheer stubbornness I have. Like this little girl, for example.


Go read her story, I'll hang out here till you get back.

See that? How could I possibly feel at all worried about what I'm facing? I have health insurance to cover most of my costs, a loving husband and innumerous friends who love and support me, and all the opportunity in the world to beat this. This little girl, she has nothing. Nothing but you, and us, and mostly, Shea. Shea's the one who told me about her, and those of you who know Shea know how much love she has, and how much she wants to do the right thing. For her, helping this little girl is the right thing. If it sounds like it might be the right thing for you, too, please e-mail Shea and ask how you can help.

We are SO lucky. It doesn't always feel like that, but when you think about this little girl, how can our life be anything less than blessed?

UPDATE: Asya's been adopted!!!
But there are certainly more children who need similar help, and the same agency will be able to coach you through the best way you can do good!


Anonymous marti said...

amie, you are one incredible woman.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Amy Boogie said...

1. you rock.
2. I found a long lost friend after 4 years and living on opposite ends of the US. I can't tell you how many emails I sent out, I must have weirded out so many people with the "are you xx who knew xx way back when?"
3. I must be nuts because now I want to adopt little Asya.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Shea said...

Thanks so much for posting about Asya! I'm hoping the agency will get back to me soon about where to send the donations because I think from the responses we're getting so far that we're pretty close to having enough for her operation! Yeah!!!! Thank you and you're loyal readers so much!!!


5:22 PM  
Anonymous Shea said...

Oh!! I also meant to add that I found a picture of Asya grinning that's too cute... it's the photo that I've put up of her over on my blog!


6:12 PM  
Anonymous Brandy said...

Oh, Amie, you are truly wonderful. In your situation, I would be a wreck. I certainly don't think I would be able to think straight enough to be thinking about others in need. (I'm a big baby about any illness) I really admire your strength and your heart.
As for finding your friend, I also found lost friends before. I had a friend who ended up getting married while I was trying to find her. As I didn't know her new last name, that made it rather difficult to find her. I sent a letter to her last known address. Family or friends or someone got it and it made its way to her. I had included my email address, and when I got a note from her I was soooo thrilled. I'm also good at sending out "are you who I hope you are" emails. I've had pretty good success with it, even with a friend who thought he had his address well hidden so he wouldn't be bugged by people who had been annoying him. Anyway, I'm sure you will find your lost friend. It is about time for me to find my best friend who made a point to disappear for a while (she told me so before she disappeared) and decide where to go in her life. Thank you for your inspiration Amie.

8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post radiates love, a generous spirit & positive energy. Do you know the high school &/or college your friend attended? I am wondering if there are reunion committees w/them & if somehow they could assist you. The world is a small place & seems to get smaller all the time - maybe this will be like that old shampoo commercial: you'll tell two people who tell two people who tell two people who tell ...
Lotsa XOXO to you,

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amie, I can relate--I have a similar sort of long-lost friend that disappeared from my life under strained circumstances. There's not a week that goes by that I don't wonder what she's doing. And yes, I have even sent a few of those, "are you the X from X?" emails. Good luck in your quest. --Rachel

2:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, we are very lucky, especially on this side of the world. Thank you for sharing you story. I hope you do reconnect with your old friend someday.

Take care,


8:54 AM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

I had a friend like the one you mentioned. We were close enough that she was present for the births of both my children and held my hand through each. We parted for similar reasons and I haven't seen her in almost eight years. I miss her horribly sometimes. I actually saw her on the street about a year ago but by the time I could turn the car around she was gone. I really feel the loss of a close female friend sometimes. Hope you are well (as you can be) I am keeping you in my thoughts.

2:08 PM  

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