I had a weird dream last night about a friend I haven't seen in ages. My entire life I've had male best friends - right now, my husband fills that role (with some lovely additional benefits). I also right now have an amazing support group of women - really, it brings tears to my eyes and takes my breath away to think of them. Hundreds of folks on the internet, and a small, specific group of women I know through KR and came to meet in person (you know who you are, dear ones, I love you so). For a while, I had two "best" friends, a male and a female. They so balenced each other out that I used to tease them that they were like Clark Kent and Superman and had never been seen in the same place at the same time.

But once I had one best friend who was a female. It was an amazing friendship. We worked at the same place, lived right next door, and knew everything about each other. She was amazed by me, I was amazed by her, and I do think it was the closest I've ever been to any one female in my life. But she was dating involved with hung up on a married man. She was crazy about him, worshipped him, idolicized him, and he treated her like crap. She was the only one who thought it was ever going to be a real relationship, and my friendship with her piddled out shockingly fast when I made the mistake of telling her how hard it was to watch her in this relationship with someone who treated her like this, obviously had no respect for her, and completely used her and her emotions for his own personal ego trip. She was offended, and I lost her. It was gradual and at the same time instantaneous. Since then I've moved away and back again, and looked her up on the internet, in phone books, and everywhere I can think of. No luck. I guess she's just gone from my life.

I still think about her sometimes, at important times in my life. She never met my husband - I had just met him and was starting to get to know him the last time I spoke to her. She would have been my maid of honor - I had none. And she would be the one I would talk to about many of my feelings dealing with this cancer.

And I dreamed about her last night. I dreamed of running into her some place public, and having that same instant chemistry and love and humor. We talked about how we each thought we'd seen the other, and were too scared to speak up.

Never let it be said my subconscious over does it on the "sub" part. A two year old could interpret my dreams, you know? But Karen, if by some obscure chance you're reading this - I'm looking for you, I swear.

But it's not as though I don't have people with whom to talk about the cancer. I'm handling things well, I'm feeling hopeful and stubborn and loved, and I really have no worries. Besides, if I had a dollar for every person who's said "if you need to talk, I'm here" to me in the past week, I could cure cancer!

Better yet, we could take all those dollars and help someone who doesn't have the support, the love, the hope, and the sheer stubbornness I have. Like this little girl, for example.



Go read her story, I'll hang out here till you get back.

See that? How could I possibly feel at all worried about what I'm facing? I have health insurance to cover most of my costs, a loving husband and innumerous friends who love and support me, and all the opportunity in the world to beat this. This little girl, she has nothing. Nothing but you, and us, and mostly, Shea. Shea's the one who told me about her, and those of you who know Shea know how much love she has, and how much she wants to do the right thing. For her, helping this little girl is the right thing. If it sounds like it might be the right thing for you, too, please e-mail Shea and ask how you can help.

We are SO lucky. It doesn't always feel like that, but when you think about this little girl, how can our life be anything less than blessed?

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UPDATE: Asya's been adopted!!!
But there are certainly more children who need similar help, and the same agency will be able to coach you through the best way you can do good!