Monday, November 28, 2005


I just got an e-mail that included, among expressions of dissatisfaction, this picture:


Apparently following the pattern isn't what was required here. She would like me to "advise, please." I would like to tell her to stuff the stockings where the sun don't shine, but I think that might not be in the true spirit of Christmas.

In the meantime, there's so much fuming going on in my head, I'm getting worried.

Seriously, what do I do? Homicide is likely not an option, since we know them through my husband's work, which is law enforcement, so not so great on the escape plan....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Step away from the ice cream and cookies NOW!
Maybe you could politely ask for all the stockings to be sent to you, and then wash the offending one several times in really hot water?
Or fill it with Oscar's favorite treats?
Or fill it with Oscar's....?
No good deed goes unpunished.
Oh, I know! Blame it on the Synthrol, and then weep uncontrollably.
I suppose it's too late to teach the person (read "ungrateful wretch") to knit?

4:01 PM  
Blogger purlewe said...

State quietly and firmly that the pattern was written like that and that if the previous stocking was knit differently it isn't your fault.

and truly it isn't your problem as long as the last one isn't the size of a baby booty.

I do like the idea of teaching the asshat to knit....

4:44 PM  
Anonymous twig said...

Now is not the time to be married to someone in law enforcement because all my suggestions would get you in a WHOLE lot of trouble.

Perhaps you could find someone else a bit more appreciative with kids named Matt, Emma, Kiley and Patrick to give them to instead?

5:57 PM  
Blogger xmasberry said...

Did she ever make the finished dimensions available to you? If she had very specific wishes for something, I do wish she would have made them known rather than relying on your ability to read her mind. No copy of an original, made years later, is going to be exactly the same in any case.

And I dislike the phrase "please advise" immensely when used in this context. Advise her how? Advise her to hang them all up and be happy they are unique and well-crafted works? Somehow i don't think she's asking you to advise her on anything and so she really should use a different phrase.

5:57 PM  
Blogger Martha said...

Ditto to what Purlewe said!
"Please advise" - as a former work colleague would say, "Advise this" ^..^

6:03 PM  
Anonymous Shea said...

Actually, I think the ones that you did look in an older style than the large one. Just me I guess. I like the smallerish ones better. I'd just say "I'm sorry, I followed the pattern and was unaware of the other stockings sizes" or some other similarly bland response... in the mean time I'd really just not care :)


6:05 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

The answer to "Please advise."

"I followed the pattern, I don't know what happened to the first one but obviously the size is wrong."

You followed the pattern and got four virtually identical stockings, she has one made for Bigfoot, and this is somehow YOUR error? I think not.

6:09 PM  
Blogger Amy Boogie said...

So she expected you to do it a certain size without giving you the size to do it? Grrr
Offer to make Andi's sock so they all match (for a fee) otherwise tell her to pound sand.
Oops! my bitch is showing. I guess that's why I don't knit things like that for people.

6:14 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Just let me say O-M-G! I can't believe she would have the audacity to say ANYthing other than Thank You. People never cease to amaze me *dripping sarcasm*.

I would simply follow the excellent advice of those who have gone before me -- I followed the pattern. I certainly wouldn't say sorry - you didn't do anything wrong.

Good luck!

6:54 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

What they said.

"Please advise," my arse.

7:10 PM  
Blogger David said...

Let me just be sure I have the details clearly:

1. She wanted you to duplicate an existing stocking.
2. She didn't provide the yarn.
3. She didn't provide the original stocking for comparison.
4. She didn't even provide measurements, stich-per-inch numbers, or any other reasonable means by which you could duplicate said original stocking.
5. She chose that pattern to decorate her home.
6. This is all somehow your fault.

So, in other words, she has absolutely no friggin' clue about knitting, zero artistic sense, and less tact than Dubya at a PFLAG meeting.

I'd offer to "correct" the inferior work done by the one who made "Andi"'s stocking. Charge her materials, labor, and a rush fee. Plus a nuisance fee for having to go locate the same yarn again and look at that ugly pattern a fifth time. That would be my "advice."

Although you might want to phrase it differently.

Or maybe not.

(Apparently the universe is having the same kind of day I just had. The "random" string of characters I'm supposed to verify before commenting is "tnxtyurd," which seems awfully close to "Thanks, you turd.")

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Beth said...

I'm so sorry all of your hard work was only met with a slap in the face!! It's such a shame that she is so ungrateful. I would not offer to knit her another andi. I don't think you'll be able to please her no matter what you do. Cut your loses and move on to something for you, that way you know there is nothing but pleasure to come from it.

Hugs, Beth

7:57 PM  
Blogger fig said...

Yes, what Beth said...a comfy, warm sweater or shawl for YOU. That will definitely make you feel better.

8:47 AM  
Anonymous ChelleC100 said...

No way would I volunteer to knit this difficult woman another THING. I'd say, "I advise you to find another knitter who is a glutten for punishment to re-knit your original stocking, but I also advise you to give her the dimensions of the other stockings which I just made for you in the at-gauge size so that she has a clearer idea of your expectations. I doubt any of this will ultimately satisfy you, but perhaps it will fill some time in your day because obbviously you are petty and wouldn't know a real problem if it licked you in the face!" Chelle

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Chelle said...

Sorry for the spelling error on "obbviously." I obviously got too worked up! Ha! Chelle

9:56 AM  

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