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Friday, December 02, 2005

How Do You Spell "Relief"?

H-E-I-F-E-R

Okay, here's the thing. Those GAS (God-Awful-Stockings) aren't sitting well with me. She begrudgingly told me she would pay me for the last stocking no matter what, making it very clear that she didn't understand how I could have gotten it wrong. And I hated knitting the things. I hate every minute of it (which I recently figured out topped over 200 hours of work) and only kept telling myself that at least she would be happy with them, even as hideously ugly as they were. And she wasn't happy with them, so that shot the one little positive right out the window. To be fair to her, I think she's trying to be kind. I don't think her words were harsh, and they are likely similar to the words I would have chosen if I'd expected something and got something else. I thought I was giving her what she asked for, what she asked for and what she wanted were not the same thing. So what happens is no one involved is happy.

Which means this whole experience is tainted for me. Nothing good at all has come out of it. And with the kind of year I had, I don't think I want anything that negative hanging over my head. Sure, the money has gone to frivolous things like bills, but I just don't see as I need the money that badly to be worth having that kind of energy in my life.

SO.

Last year, you may recall I gave to the Knitter's Review Heifer Project Drive. I just checked my receipts and I gave $100. I think it's safe to say I would have found a way to give that again this year.

And in a blind, flailing attempt to put some positive spin on this stocking experience, to make something positive happen because of that transaction, I'm giving all of the money from the stockngs, plus what I would have given anyway, to the KR Heifer Drive. That's $100 (regular donation) + $250 stocking donation = $350. That's a huge amount of money for me. With me being sick and working reduced hours, that's easily a paycheck. So I won't be able to give it all at once. It may take several months for me to get there.

But I can't keep this money and feel good about myself, and the energy floating around this whole thing just has to be made positive. There's too much ugliness around it now, but the Heifer Foundation knows how to turn that into good, and the kind of good that will last well beyond this season, and well beyond my ill-feelings.

Got any karma of your own that needs adjusting? Help out the Knitter's Review Heifer Project Drive

Sigh.

You realize what this means, right?

My karma really did hit my dogma.

6 Comments:

Blogger caramelknits said...

Wow. What a beautiful gesture. I gave last year when I learned about the wonderful work they do, and was planning to give again, but I may have to rethink my donation. If you can give up so much, then I think that many of us can do more as well. 'Tis the season to give, right?

7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The stockings were beautifully done, you learned many things (some unintended), and giving the money away will more than clear any debts incurred. Next year will be a good one for you.
sallyjo
And todays password says it all;
gtfzkkgg.

10:27 AM  
Blogger CarolineF said...

Well you're a better woman than I! I would have gone and bought myself something expensive to make myself feel better. It's amazing how what people say they want isn't what they want. Happens all the time in my business (IT) but it never ceases to be a nasty surprise.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Jensgalore said...

So sorry to hear that blew up in your face like that. Good for you, for finding a way to salvage something positive anyway!

9:44 AM  
Anonymous ChelleC100 said...

You are really a class act, and a lovely person.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Aren't stockings awful? I just agreed to make a commision from a blurry picture.... yes I'm a genius!

2:19 PM  

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