Tuesday, September 19, 2006

For Good.


I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
I have been changed for good

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better

And because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

("For Good", from Wicked, words & music by Stephen Schwartz)


My hair looked like this yesterday.


In fact, I didn't even realize how long until I took this photo.

About even with my belly button (if my belly button were in back, which it's not, but thanks for checking)

But today is the anniversary of Olivia's death, and I needed to do something drastic.

It wasn't spontaneously drastic.

It's something I've given a lot of thought to, spent a lot of time dreading.

It is by far, without a doubt, the hardest thing I've ever done that I did completely of my own volition.

Now, fourteen inches of it will go to Locks of Love

Because my hair now looks like this.

You see, there are a lot of really horrible anniversaries this week for people I love a great deal. They will always be sad days for me, always be days that make me emotional and depressed and scared and sorrowful and heartbroken.


But I can't let them be entirely negative. I just can't allow myself to drown. I can't allow the universe to have all that negativity clumped in one small time period for me.

So in an attempt to throw a little positive energy into the kosmos, in an attempt to make something positive come out of these wretched times, I've made a petty little sacrifice which is a stupid big deal to me, so that someone else can feel a little happier, someone else can feel a little better about their own troubled life, someone else will smile. By giving up one of the few things I'm moderately vain about, a child who doesn't feel good will have new hair to be proud of.

Just a few of these tears I've cried have to be shed for good.



Anonymous Shea said...

You go girl! I did the same thing... interestingly I think we both ended up with the same "after" hair cut... at least it looks similar around the camera :) It's been a year and I don't regret it.
You're an incredible person Amie!


6:40 PM  
Blogger loribird said...

I like the new 'do - very bouncy!
I shaved my head in a time of change and mourning - that was about seven years ago now, and it was actually very helpful in my healing process.
I hope your heart will grow stronger as you watch your hair grow longer... :)

7:48 PM  
Blogger Amy Boogie said...

What a great thing to do. My daughter is growing out her hair just so she can give it away again.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Robknits said...

Your new 'do looks lovely -- why won't my hair ever do that thick, smooth, shiny thing? And what a lovely way to remember Sharon and Olivia.

8:01 PM  
Blogger Jolene said...

Your hair looks beautiful!
When I cut mine off it felt like such a release to me. Like it was weighting me down, just like the bad news I was hearing all around me.

8:25 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

I am very proud of you!

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it is so beautiful!!! glad to see you today and any day!

10:46 PM  
Blogger Coleen said...

That is so incredibly cool of you. I too am very proud to know you. And besides helping someone else look beautiful, you look beautiful too!

12:06 AM  
Blogger Coleen said...

oh... and I LOVE that song.

12:06 AM  
Anonymous JessaLu said...

Beautiful new hair - and beautiful gesture :o)

12:45 AM  
Blogger Kadiddly said...

I love that song. It's one of the few that I can hear over and over and it will still make me cry if I let it. It's so true.

I remember when my college roommate donated her very very long hair to Locks of Love. She said it was very hard to get rid of all of it, but it was great to know that it was going to a good cause, and the hair would grow back. Your new style is very flattering.


4:01 AM  
Blogger Bess said...

It's an ancient thing - to shear one's hair in times of great sadness and loss. I believe it's tremendously healing. I also think you look beautiful with the short hair.

many hugs

6:17 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I LOVE it. Seriously. Even with the camera hiding your face, I can mentally put your face into that hairstyle and I can tell it is immensely flattering. Donating that lovely quantity of hair was a great idea.

6:33 AM  
Blogger Jane said...

Beautiful. You and your hairdo.

6:36 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...

When I saw the lyrics, I knew this post was gonna be a tear-jerker. Your haircut is beautiful, and so are your words. There is a child somewhere who is going to be so much happier for what you've done!

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Mom said...

Your donated hair looks beautiful.
Your "new" hair looks beautiful.

You can trust me to be objective, too - after all, I was trained in science.


9:05 AM  
Anonymous Mom said...

You know, it just occurred to me that hair like yours that has not been permed, styled daily, or torched daily with a blow-dryer should be much stronger than most hair nowadays. What a lucky child to get a wig with your beautiful hair!

9:17 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

I know how you feel I felt the same way when I did it. Happy and sad at the same time, happy to help and sad that someone needs it.

10:34 AM  
Blogger dragon knitter said...

good for you. a friend of mine donated her hair to locks of love 2 weeks ago, and she went from the middle of her back to chin length. 13 inches, total. if i ever cut my hair (it's past my fanny now, i'm going for the knees at this point) i will donate mine as well. at this point, however, i'll just be happy to get it combed back out, after the wedding saturday. back combing is evil, i say, evil!

and are you still counting socks? i finished one just before the wedding, and am working on #2 right now.

12:48 PM  
Anonymous PuppyMomma said...

Whoever gets THAT wig is going to be one hella lucky! I never realized your hair was so long, what a great thing to do with it. I can't wait to see the new doo at spinning.

1:11 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

You're such a wonderful gal. And I love the 'do--and the butterfly. I'll be thinking about you through this tough time. XO.

2:04 PM  
Blogger David said...

Hunh. When I get my hair cut, it goes from "used Q-Tip" to "shocked tennis ball." How is it you get to go from "auburn Rapunzel" to "Jennifer Aniston"?

Just doesn't seem fair, is all. What with the genetic similarities, you know.

5:35 PM  
Blogger Ana said...

I love the change! You new hairdo looks terrific!

6:50 PM  
Blogger vi said...

i really like that hair cut amie....
( even though your sweet smile is hidden by the camera)
it is really you I think.... see you in rhinebeck in person


7:51 PM  
Anonymous Dad said...

I am Sooooo proud of you! But, the, what else is new.


8:10 PM  
Blogger Javajem said...

You rock. I knew there was a reason I liked you ;)

2:58 PM  

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