For Good.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
I have been changed for good

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better

And because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

("For Good", from Wicked, words & music by Stephen Schwartz)

~~~~~~~~



My hair looked like this yesterday.

Long.

In fact, I didn't even realize how long until I took this photo.

About even with my belly button (if my belly button were in back, which it's not, but thanks for checking)

But today is the anniversary of Olivia's death, and I needed to do something drastic.

It wasn't spontaneously drastic.

It's something I've given a lot of thought to, spent a lot of time dreading.

It is by far, without a doubt, the hardest thing I've ever done that I did completely of my own volition.

Now, fourteen inches of it will go to Locks of Love



Because my hair now looks like this.




You see, there are a lot of really horrible anniversaries this week for people I love a great deal. They will always be sad days for me, always be days that make me emotional and depressed and scared and sorrowful and heartbroken.

Always.

But I can't let them be entirely negative. I just can't allow myself to drown. I can't allow the universe to have all that negativity clumped in one small time period for me.

So in an attempt to throw a little positive energy into the kosmos, in an attempt to make something positive come out of these wretched times, I've made a petty little sacrifice which is a stupid big deal to me, so that someone else can feel a little happier, someone else can feel a little better about their own troubled life, someone else will smile. By giving up one of the few things I'm moderately vain about, a child who doesn't feel good will have new hair to be proud of.

Just a few of these tears I've cried have to be shed for good.