Sunday, February 07, 2010

a lazy girl's exercise regime

Was your New Year's Resolution to lose weight?

Well, Liberty Sue just might have the answer for you! Inspired by the cats she lives with, Liberty has developed her very own work out program*. In just two minutes a day, you can do this, too, using just the items already found around the house!

First, gather together an old armchair and a sunbeam. Then, for two solid minutes, attempt to lie comfortably on the top of the armchair in the sun, changing positions as comfort dictates. Because you're focused on that sunbeam, you won't even notice that you don't actually fit, and that you are having to hold yourself up using the strength of your forearms, biceps, and abs! It's a full body workout, and it can be yours for not $199.99, not $99.99, not even $9.99! That's right, for the low low cost of just the time of your life spent reading this post that you'll never get back, you can have a body like Liberty's!

*Please consult your physician before attempting this or any other exercise program.
Side effects are bruising from slamming your face against the window as squirrels pass, heart conditions as cats jump up behind you suddenly, and shattered dignity if your workout is posted on the internet. Please see another couch if any of those conditions occur.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Oscar's Day Out

About two weeks ago I noticed a small lump on Oscar's "arm". I decided to keep an eye on it - it could have been an ingrown hair, or a bug bite, it was that size. But it got slightly bigger this week, and lumps don't have a good track record in my family, so I immediately made an appointment at our vet and went into an emotional tail spin of nearly crying each time I hugged him.

Today was the day, and I tucked Liberty neatly into her room and dressed Oscar, who was thrilled that we were finally going out without that pesky little girl following him around all the time, and we drove to his vet. He was frantically hyper in the office, being slutty and tolerating the odd receptionist (who was new to us) who took his weight while displaying poor canine-body language. We went back into the room, and because he's been muzzled in the past, he was muzzled for his temperature (which was normal) and then again for the exam. He's had a rough time at vets in the past - he's very frightened there, and tends to go into "Must. Protect. Momma." mode where he doesn't let anyone near me. This vet has been lovely in dealing with that, though, and he's improved a lot in recent years.

On inspection, the vet decided that the lump was too small to do a needle biopsy on, but she understood my desire to get it the fizzle off my dog. She said "well, I don't know if he'll let me do a local on him... you know, he's being really good, do you want to try it?" which made me proud. And yes, I did want to try it.

So they got two techs to hold him, I stood where he could see me (he growled less that way) and shaved a small patch around the area, and did a punch biopsy (where they basically take what looks like a hole punch, poke that in to cut out the lump) and removed things. We decided they would hold onto the little tumor rather than biopsying it right now (for financial reasons) and just keep a close eye on him for other spots of changes in behavior. I really hope this was the right thing to do.

He was being held by strangers and having very scary things done to him, while muzzled, for about twenty minutes, and I think he handled it like a champ. My favorite part, though, was when they took the muzzle off, and he was instantly happy and lovey to them again - so much that the vet burst out laughing. As we were leaving, several of them told us he was a very good boy and had a great temperament.

In the end, this thing about the size of a large pea came out of my dog

leaving him with three staples and a messy leg

and some new head gear

which is succeeding in depressing him

but failing to keep Liberty from licking at him.

Agile and clever dog that he is, he's figured out that the e-collar is impeding on his mobility when he runs into things, and so is walking around the house backwards. Seriously.

Marriage is love.